Talk politics.

BOSTON- Prominent atheists scrambled in reaction to a stunning new discovery by the Teapot Institute which confirmed long-held suspicions that so-called 'dark matter' was actually an invisible teapot orbiting Saturn. The controversy surrounding the Teapot Hypothesis has raged for decades in academia and the scientific community. In 1958, philosopher and physicist Niels Bohr laid out the question:

"We cannot account for the effects of gravity given how much matter we can see. The question is, what else may be causing these gravitational effects?" Bohr said at a Yale University conference.

Many theories soon followed, with a long-time friend of Bohr, Werner Heisenberg, offering up the possibility that it was a cat. Prominent clergy and politicians took it as a sign of God. Others began speaking of 'dark matter' as an explanation.

"It is just like normal matter, except it isn't normal, and you can't see it or detect it," explained Dr. Prince of The American Institute for Science and Learning. Many others have scoffed at the idea of magical dark matter that is just like normal matter except that you can't see it or detect it. In a famous speech, Richard Dawkins, Professor of Public Learning and Understanding at Oxford University decried such 'mystical' thinking, proclaiming that, "Well I might as well propose that it is an invisible teapot orbiting Saturn that is causing the gravitational effects."

An official spokesperson for the Pope quickly offered a statement in response to the spiky British professor, "We are well acquainted with the Teapot Hypothesis, and it is as silly now as it was then."

Even so, a small movement of Teapot activists began to investigate the possibility of cosmic dinnerware. Dr. George Stanton of the American Center For Cosmic Possibilities explained, "We are scientists, and as scientists we are compelled to falsify or investigate every possibility." Dr. Stanton himself remained uncommitted to any answer, instead preferring to study the matter further before declaring sides.

The answer came yesterday as a report published in the journal Nature presented evidence for a teapot-like anomaly orbiting Saturn captured in instrumental recordings by a passing satellite launched in 2001. "We must be careful with these results," the report cautioned, "It is not known for how long this teapot-like anomaly has actually orbited Saturn, or if it was perhaps orbiting Mars or Jupiter before being captured by Saturn's gravitational pull."

Conservative pundit Bill O'Reilly devoted an entire show to the discovery, scoffing at the idea, and saying, "Earth goes around the Sun. Sun goes up, Sun goes down. You can't explain that," maintaining further that, "Teapotiers remain an irrelevant liberal fringe attacking American institutions under the guise of scientific discovery."

When asked if he accepted the report, Dawkins replied, "Teapot-like anamoly? It could be anything. Why not say it is a unicorn?"

Dr. Stanton cursed as he read Dawkins' response, "Great, now we have to look for unicorns."